This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
