i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
