Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sext me about skeletons
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
