how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
