My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
