its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
