is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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