She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
