Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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