I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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