he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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