Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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