just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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