Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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