She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
