when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
