she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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