they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
