Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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