I cockslap morals
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
