It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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