we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
