I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think my vagina is haunted
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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