Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
