I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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