It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
