how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
