I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
