I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
