Don't you send me to vm
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
