Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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