OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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