just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
