I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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