You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
