Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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