Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
