What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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