FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
