i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
