he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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