Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
