Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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