god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
