I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
