she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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