Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
