i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
