First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
