i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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