He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
