We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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